Sometimes people want to know where my joy despite the tough stuff comes from. Why am I so perky? How do such serendipitous things find their way to me? etc. It really is because of the presence of God in my life. This is part of my testimony and I know it’s something that not everyone relates to, but I have to be authentically me. I experience little everyday miracles frequently, and I know that is because of 1. God’s love & grace and 2. My awareness of them. I am willing and open to receiving them, noticing them, hunting for them (being a blessings hunter, which you can read more about that on my website’s About page), asking God for them, thanking God for them, and making sure I give back by being part of a miracle for someone else. Today I am sharing an inspirational story about a little miracle I received. God sent me a heart! Keep reading and you’ll find out how…
All joy and bubbly-ness aside, my life is not always easy. Then again, whose is? I have had many a dark time, although it has been awhile since a storm cloud hovered over me. A few weeks ago a storm cloud appeared. My spirit was hit hard and I found myself in a depression with emotional pain. Now, I normally don’t get depressed to this extent. It has been a long time (I would say the last time I was really down was when I was stuck in bed for a few months 2 yrs. ago with daily vertigo spells).
So the storm cloud hit, and I found myself totally drained, feeling rejected, unloved (which I know is untrue, but the enemy loves to play those tricks!), and physically exhausted/unwell to boot. I am writing about this not to complain, but to be real and let you know that I have had days where I am not ok. Someone out there needs to hear this I am sure. During this day where I was a mess, I could burst into tears….no, SOBS, at the drop of a hat. I can even remember cooking Matt and I dinner, handing him his plate, feeling this urge to cry coming on, and then running to the back bedroom to hide and cry alone. Who wants to cry in their potatoes?!
Yes, I’m letting it all hang out here.
Rejection. Feeling trampled on; my light snuffed out. Feeling not good enough. Yes, the enemy knows what my buttons are and how to push them hard. As I went to bed that night and everyone else was sleeping, I felt especially alone. I wasn’t able to reach my good friend Becky, who is usually the one I talk to during those times when I am not feeling ok. I had no where else to turn, and so I do what I always do when I am feeling utterly alone and in pain in this world. I turned to God. I should have come to Him first. Sometimes this human brain of mine forgets that I don’t have to be ok all of the time , and that I don’t have to hold it all together alone.
I try to handle it all in my own strength. Oy. No wonder I am a mess!
There is someone whose strength is made perfect in my weakness. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9)
I had recently started listening to the sermons of the minister who is my new next door neighbor. I went to YouTube and listened to a couple that I felt pulled towards. One was on Grace, and one was called Immanuel’s Conflict. They spoke to my heart and a little light made it’s way through the cracks in my heart.
From there I went to my favorite John Tesh live at the Red Rocks music:
(taking deep breaths)-From the song Breathe (click to listen):
“This is the air I breathe… This is the air I breathe… Your Holy Presence living in me. This is my daily bread. Your very words spoken to me. And I….I’m desperate for you. And I….. I’m lost without you.”
And bit by bit, my sorrow turned to worship. What felt empty, alone, and in despair was being filled with the Holy Spirit. Clinging to His words, I understood again the meaning of daily bread. Sustenance for the soul. Not food in the literal sense, but food of the Spirit. And this is enough. This is all I need.
For man can not live on bread alone. (see Matthew 4:4)
His very presence living in me. His very words spoken to me.
Yes, I was desperate. Yes, I was lost.
Just as the song said.
And He was bringing me back unto Him, because I had forgotten I didn’t have to go it alone after all. I wasn’t quite out of the woods yet, but my spirit felt much lighter and the heaviness had lifted.
I had spent the majority of that day in God’s presence, be it by sermon, music, or prayer. I had sought out God’s love, asked for it to be shown to me, turned it over to Him and finally got some rest.
When I awoke the next day (in the afternoon due to that awful night), my mom had a bag with a gift in it for me. A patient of hers had made this and told her it was for her daughter. It was a heart!
A big heart too! A sky blue, hand made, heart shaped pillow! This random act of kindness from a stranger who doesn’t know me. I don’t know her. She only knew my mom had a daughter and brought this gift for me on exactly the right day.
God’s timing is perfect!
God sent me a heart, and it was one of those serendipitous, every day miracles I speak of at We Live Inspired. It may seem like a little thing to some, but to me I knew it was a message from God:
♥ “You are loved.” ♥
I want you to know that you too are loved.
Even in the depths of your despair, you are not forgotten.
You are never really alone.
Become aware and keep your eyes peeled for those everyday miracles! Record them.
Don’t be afraid to ASK God for what you need. He likes to work in ways we cannot always see or predict!
Here is a picture of the heart God sent me. My little friend Tangerine wanted to get in the picture too 😀 (you may remember her from the feral cat colony stories, as she is one of the adopted formerly ferals).
Are you keeping track of your blessings? I’d love for you to share an everyday miracle you have experienced lately!
With Love, Rebekah
I so appreciate you sharing your vulnerability. We all have days — or even longer periods — of feeling like this, and this post is such a good reminder that we are never alone or unloved even when we feel the most like we are.
Well, this blog post was my miracle for the day, Bekah.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely story.
Oh thank you Marya! I’m glad to be able to bless you in some way. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. <3